"Well this is aids," I said to myself as I finally made it past the hour long queue and logged in to a literal orgy of low resolution avatars hug fucking the quest giver.
It was day one of the World of Warcraft Classic launch and I was excited to navigate the ocean of involuntary celibates to try and relive my teenage memories of Azeroth.
As I prepared for the first quest, I noticed a guy next to me named Vindictive.
It was clearly a sign. I was hyped to begin my adventure.
My excitement only grew after I told people that I was playing World of Warcraft and received a large number of supportive comments.
My first hour of WoW was basically me spawn camping mobs with like 100 other people trying to tag one before some warrior charged them or a priest did that flash spell. At this point the game was extremely terrible and very unfun to play. But I quested on and soon reached Fargodeep Mine, where I had to kill Gnolls for large candles and gold dust. I saw a guy named Nutcrusher camping the same mob next to me, so I said "hey, let's team up" and sent him a party invite. He rejected my invite and told me to fuck off.
"He must be busy," I said and ventured onward. Almost an hour later, I had finally killed the eight Gnolls I needed and handed in the quest. Then a woman with a size zero waist and Double D breasts commanded me to go to Stormwind to find the next quest giver.
As I approached the city, the iconic stone statues faded into view and orchestral music gradually began to swell. I was smashed in the face with the baseball bat of nostalgia, only to have it eventually turn into crippling depression as I realized I was playing a 15-year-old game in 2019.
I continued on into the city and decided it was time to take up a crafting profession, because it's not enough for me to work 40 hour weeks in real life, I also have to do work in this profoundly ugly video game.
I proceeded to create some white linen shirts.
I took a break from the game to go troll Sigma on Discord while I auto set my character to craft 25 shirts. Unfortunately, like usual, Sigma was AFK and ignored me.
Realizing he had moved on, I set out to make a new friend in Elwynn forest. Eventually I found this Paladin. He wasn't much of a talker, but we killed Princess together and farmed some wolves and bears.
After saying maybe 10 words to me over a two hour span, he logged.
Solid dude — I could see him becoming a long-term friend.
As for World of Warcraft Classic, all I can say is this: In life, you have choices. You can choose to live a life of growth and strive to become a better version of yourself everyday, or you can punish yourself emotionally in horrible ways by playing Blizzard games.
I've made my choice.
In conclusion, I give World of Warcraft Classic a 9.3 out of 10.
It was day one of the World of Warcraft Classic launch and I was excited to navigate the ocean of involuntary celibates to try and relive my teenage memories of Azeroth.
As I prepared for the first quest, I noticed a guy next to me named Vindictive.
It was clearly a sign. I was hyped to begin my adventure.
My excitement only grew after I told people that I was playing World of Warcraft and received a large number of supportive comments.
My first hour of WoW was basically me spawn camping mobs with like 100 other people trying to tag one before some warrior charged them or a priest did that flash spell. At this point the game was extremely terrible and very unfun to play. But I quested on and soon reached Fargodeep Mine, where I had to kill Gnolls for large candles and gold dust. I saw a guy named Nutcrusher camping the same mob next to me, so I said "hey, let's team up" and sent him a party invite. He rejected my invite and told me to fuck off.
"He must be busy," I said and ventured onward. Almost an hour later, I had finally killed the eight Gnolls I needed and handed in the quest. Then a woman with a size zero waist and Double D breasts commanded me to go to Stormwind to find the next quest giver.
As I approached the city, the iconic stone statues faded into view and orchestral music gradually began to swell. I was smashed in the face with the baseball bat of nostalgia, only to have it eventually turn into crippling depression as I realized I was playing a 15-year-old game in 2019.
I continued on into the city and decided it was time to take up a crafting profession, because it's not enough for me to work 40 hour weeks in real life, I also have to do work in this profoundly ugly video game.
I proceeded to create some white linen shirts.
I took a break from the game to go troll Sigma on Discord while I auto set my character to craft 25 shirts. Unfortunately, like usual, Sigma was AFK and ignored me.
Realizing he had moved on, I set out to make a new friend in Elwynn forest. Eventually I found this Paladin. He wasn't much of a talker, but we killed Princess together and farmed some wolves and bears.
After saying maybe 10 words to me over a two hour span, he logged.
Solid dude — I could see him becoming a long-term friend.
As for World of Warcraft Classic, all I can say is this: In life, you have choices. You can choose to live a life of growth and strive to become a better version of yourself everyday, or you can punish yourself emotionally in horrible ways by playing Blizzard games.
I've made my choice.
In conclusion, I give World of Warcraft Classic a 9.3 out of 10.
