It's 4 a.m. and you're watching World of Warcraft ASMR videos on Youtube again.
"Fuck how did my life go so wrong," you mutter as you reach into your bag of Doritos (cool ranch of course) and scoop up another handful to continue your depression eating.
It's Jan. 1, 2019. You turn to look at a notepad with chicken scratch writing and see your list of milestones for 2018. It only has one thing.
- Downloaded and played Maple Story 2
"Fucking Sigma," you growl as you hurl the notepad across the room.
It's at that moment you resolve to do better this year. You're not going to be the useless sack of shit that Tryden declared you were after MEAN got wiped 0-7 by rival special needs guild WOE.
You stand up out of your chair and thrust your arms upward, shouting "THIS IS GOING TO BE MY YEAR!" Flecks of dorito crumbs are flying off your stained shirt.
"I'M GOING TO PLAY GOOD GAMES!"
***
Hello everyone and welcome to MEAN's 2018 Year in Review.
I look back fondly on 2018. It was a year of growth and a year of maturation for a lot of members of this storied guild. Despite the failures of 2016 and the mediocrity of 2017, members of MEAN found ways to rise above in 2018. It was celebrated American poet Robert Frost who once said "In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
On that note, let's take a walk down memory lane and see what the members of MEAN did in 2018.
We conquered in Maple Story 2
Don't tell us that Maple Story 2 is a grindy, repetitive child's game, haha! We arrived with a bang in MS2, following up on our kick-ass time in Maple Story. We collected some grundels and upgraded our lollipop wardrobes — and had a blast doing it.
I don't know what I typed up there because I've actually never played this game and judging by the trailers and reviews it's a giant pile of shit. Fuck you Sigma.
Ivy became God Empress in Bless Online
A number of members have been laying in wait in the shadows, gunning to become leader. No one more dangerous and nefarious than Ivy. This year she made her move, using all of her guile to rally troops to her side to finally fulfill her destiny and become God Empress of MEAN.
Unfortunately, she chose the shittiest game ever released to make her move.
We've played some bad games in our time. But none have made us lose a piece of our souls the way Bless did. And for that, it will forever hold a place in our hearts.
MEAN became a geriatric guild
For a long time this was a young person's guild and we made fun of elderly members like Genma with wanton disregard, believing our youth to be eternal.
But this year really hammered home how old all of you are and how much you suck.
No where was this more clear than in our nightly Divinity 2 groups, where someone was always holding us back because they had to apply their sciatica cream or go and help their daughter with her college application.
I hate thinking about my mortality and this was the year you enfeebled fucks had me realizing me and like 80% of this guild are shriveled, grey and on the verge death.
At least being dead will mean I won't have to hear about Maple Story 2 anymore.
Looking to 2019
This is where I'd usually end my year in review on a positive note. But what is there to say? I'm gaming on a Macbook, Spine is getting pegged by his girlfriend in freaky fivesomes and Darra has lost the will to live and is playing World of Warcraft. Things are worse than they have ever been.
I remember the dark years of 2009-2012 when I rage quit the guild. When Lanks and I would secretly play League of Legends and I got noise complaints from the neighbour because I kept tower diving with Akali and feeding the other team. Is this worse? Yes. Yes it is.
I like to fancy myself an optimist. Maybe this is the year Sigma realizes that Maple Story 2 is wormtongue whispering in his ear. Maybe we'll all get our hernias fixed and can game together for longer than 30 minutes at a time.
I think MEAN is a guild built on hope. So I sit here and hope.
Will you hope with me?
