Hello everyone and welcome to MEAN’s 2021 Year In Review.
Wow, who can believe it’s been a year since my last update? So many exciting things have happened in this gaming community since then. And I’ll get to those in a minute. But, in the meantime, let’s take a moment to reflect on the year that’s been.
It’s been a trying 12 months. Lockdowns, travel bans, the two-year anniversary of Bless Online being shut down. All of us have suffered. But through it all, we’ve been there to support each other, and that’s what this community has always been about .
But I would be wrong not to mention the people we've lost this year. With the passing of Krampus, I am honored to designate him as the Vindictive Group Player of the Week for Eternity. No other player will ever be awarded this title.
We’ll never forget you, king.
Alright, enough of that.
Now on to all the fuckery that’s happened in the past year.
My virginity reached new heights
Like many, COVID took a toll on me. I grew isolated. I had a lot of time to myself. And instead of learning a new language or going to the gym, I remembered that there existed a Pokemon game for adults. And after 20 years of not playing it, I decided it was time to start again.Magic: The Gathering is described as a “the world’s premier trading card game”. But I would describe it as the world’s premier chastity simulator. Whenever I told anyone I had gotten into Magic, they hurled hurtful epithets at me, like “virgin king” and “wow I didn’t think I could find you less sexually attractive.”
Except one person.
When Sigma heard I had gotten into Magic, I had never seen him more excited. He immediately challenged me to a duel, where as I struggled to learn the game, he absolutely annihilated me, causing me to grow ever more quiet as the games progressed, before I muttered “got to go” and went and wept loudly in my bed.
But I didn’t give up. After my crying session, I went online and challenged my fellow virgins to a planeswalker battle. Over and over and over again. As I won or lost, I made refinements to my zombie deck.
The days turned into weeks, turned into months. I played every single day, often three or more hours a day. And then it happened. I got into Mythic, the top rank in Arena. I had ascended our mortal plane and become a true dark wizard, just like Sigma himself.
But I didn’t stop there. I kept playing in Mythic. And somehow, I kept winning, and ended up being in the top 1% of players in Arena for December. I am now a ranked Magic: The Gathering player. Was it worth it? Absolutely not.
But did I establish myself as the king of beta males? Absolutely. Worship at my feet, virgins.
I went on a depraved sex adventure in VRChat
Sometimes when I would log into Discord, I would see Avis and Mimi playing something called VRChat. “Huh, must be like a social network,” I would say to myself and continue playing good games like Maple Story 2. But I always wondered what they were up to. It seemed like a lot of fun, but I just couldn’t muster up the courage to ask to join.
One day, I logged into Discord and it happened. Avis asked me to join them in VRChat.
Reader, I joined them. And all I can say is that VRChat is a den of the most degenerate of perverts. Grown men cosplaying schoolgirls. Gender fluid weirdos playing giant sex furries. Lolis left and right.
I spent two hours being led by Avis and Mimi into worlds of depravity. First, I had to outfit my large breasted anime character in various skimpy outfits.
Then we went to a bar where we got into a booth with someone who was likely a future school shooter and had the most painful conversation ever, before some furries in officer uniforms stormed the establishment and started arresting people.
We followed the uniformed furries to their police station, where they forced everyone they arrested up against a wall and took lewd photos of them.
My eyes have been opened. VRChat is the best game ever made. And real life is no where near as good as a world where anyone can live their dream of being a big booba animu character with nipple pasties.
Metal took us hostage and made us play Scythe
Look at this corny ass looking game.
Metal spent the better part of a week convincing us to play Scythe. So we all downloaded it and played some rounds with him. Clearly he had been playing a lot beforehand, and was very good.
When we played, we got absolutely destroyed. I think I heard Necro crying. Worse yet, we had to listen to Metal’s Maldivian huehuehues as he took his Rusviets and forced Communism on all of us.
Shockingly, we never played again.
(In my defense, I did try to learn and get better at the game, but Sigma kept baiting me into arguments.)
I played Black Desert Online and my fucking horse drowned
Finally, like five years after I said I would play Black Desert Online with everyone, only to log on drunk, misspell my character’s name and black out on my keyboard, I gave BDO another chance.
First, of course, I bought power levelling to 80. Then I started playing. Actually playing. For two weeks straight, I logged on every day and put time and effort into this Koreaboo wetdream to accomplish digital chores.
I listened to that annoying ass black ghost, I rode around the land on my horse questing and shit, and I even banded together with friends to take down epic monsters.
One day I was riding my horse to go hand in a quest and the quest marker led me through a river. I started to cross it and then suddenly I was stuck.
“What the fuck…” I whispered, trying to dislodge my horse as the words “PARKING” appeared above it. Then the horse stopped moving and slowly disappeared.
Just like that, my horse was dead. But that river was like a baptism. I was born again. My eyes were opened.
And the universal truth that dawned upon me is that MMOs are utter garbage and you should not waste another minute of your precious life playing them.
I descended further into weebdom
OK guys, I admit it. I’m a fucking weeb. Are you happy?
But all I’ll say is this. I get a lot of shit for being a weeaboo. But you know who is a massive weeb and is quiet about it and never gets any shit? Ivy. How come she gets a free pass? She fucking loves Asian MMOs. She’s a massive koreaboo and a weeb but no one ever says a word.
DOUBLE STANDARDS.
Anyway, I'll use my platform here to once again, for the second year in a row, give a shout out to Persona 4. Go and be entranced by its weeaboo magic.
The boys were reunited in Valheim
Guys, there is no better feeling than hopping on a Viking ship with your friends of 15 years and sailing the high seas. This year, me, Genma, Lanks, Spine and Olcan (plus Genma’s son, who wasn’t born when this guild was started and is now almost a grown ass man, reminding us all of our impending doom) got together and played Valheim.
There was a moment where we were all crossing the ocean on a Viking ship. It was serene, nothing but the virtual sun on our faces and the sea mist blowing through our hair. And we all kind of paused and took it in, before sea serpents started fucking attacking us.
We played Valheim for a week. Then we all bailed on Olcan, who continued to roleplay Leif Erickson.
And now Olcan has a son, who I think he named Valheim. Congrats man!
And finally, I dodged everyone in Guilty Gear Strive
Sorry.
Looking to 2022
Well, that wraps up another year. This year will be the 17th anniversary of Vindictive’s founding. So I would like to say something. First, I think statistically, this community probably has significantly higher autism levels than the general population.
Second, thank you all for another great year. I never laugh as hard or smile as big as when I’m gaming with all of you. I hope we have many years to come.
