Ubber was at his favorite store shopping at "Victoria's Secrets" when he bumps into The Great Durka and he said that he's NOT happy with you Cherr! He said that you must face "The six deadly trials of destiny" I said "why"? "Why are you buying that red lace thong with a black push up bra?' Don't he know that they don't match? I recommended the black lace bra to match the thong. Anyway he said that you must first do the "body purification rituals" before facing "The six deadly trails of destiny". I hate to ask but i did. I said "What rituals"? The Great Durka explained "First Cherrigan you must burn the Holy incense on the first night of the full moon naked". I said "that's easy". Then he said, "Buy a 2 litter bottle of Jack Daniel's Wild Turkey No.19 and consume all it's contents in front of your local friendly Police Department". "Then light the Holy weed and inhale all of it into your lungs several times until finished preferably a dime bag will do". I said "Oh, well thats it?' The Durka laughed and said "After purifying your body now comes the six trials"! The Great Durka then went into the details for each trial as told to Ubber.
1.Do you like children? Find a local Catholic all girl school introduce your self as "Keith Sweat, I will be you new substitute sex education teacher".? Make sure you have a lot of soul in your voice.
2.Do you like to travel? Go to the distant and foreign land called Texas, find a country music bar. Enter the bar wearing a black Metallica T-shirt with a boombox. On the boombox turn the volume up high. Yell and say "F***K COUNTRY MUSIC! While playing "The Black Album"by Metallica or any heavy metal bands of your choice.
3.Do you like to dance?. Find a local club called the KKK make sure its a "cross burning ceremony". Then dressed as a cheap Michael Jackson impersonator you will moon walk to the music of "Thriller". You may use the same boombox from trial No.2. Durka recommends "Mississippi" for best location.
4. Do you like sports? On any saturday night find a Jewish Synagog and dressed as a German Soccer player enter and say very loudly "German Soccer team is #1!" or "Go Germany!" You may bring soccer balls and you may demonstrate a european soccer riot.
5. Do you like family gatherings?. Find a funereal in progress and make sure the deceased is the same sex as yourself. Then when it's your turn to give the eulogy in a clear and loud voice say "He was my Gay lover and he owes me money!" You may repeat the phrase several times as needed.
6. Do you like Religion? Find a Catholic church and dress as a priest. When it's time to hear confession enter the booth. Listen to the church goers and at the end of each confession tell them to "Buy a 2 litter bottle of Jack Daniel's and a dime bag of weed as atonement" Tell them to "consume all of it." Make sure its not the same church as trial No.5.
*If your still alive after "The six deadly trials of destiny". You must contact The Great Durka to claim your prize. He commands you to come back Cherrigan to face your trials and prove your loyalty to THE DURKA!
Ubber/jorge
*Personal note: I took a few days off from the game. I wasn't feeling good. My job is stressful at times but I miss you all , see you soon.
