So I was at the office yesterday, brewing my Sulawesi Toraja coffee blend in the rec room, when two interns walked in and started talking about this hot new dating app, Happn.
"OMG I KNOW THAT GUY KILL ME NOW," one of the interns exclaimed, as she checked her phone. "I CANT EVEN."
Realizing I was in the twilight years of my life and quickly heading into the oblivion of my 30's, I clutched my chest and raced back to my desk as crippling FOMO overcame me.
"SIRI DOWNLOAD HAPPN NOW," I gasped as I felt pangs of angina coming on.
But then I realized I was dating Zephy. I couldn't download and review dating apps anymore. So I had to reach out to others to do it for me.
First, let's talk about how Happn works. If you cross paths with someone, Happn will check if they have the app too. Let's say a hottie is checking you out and you're not sure if they're looking at you or the double-glazed danish in your mouth (lol you fattie). Now you don't have to embarrass yourself by trying to strike up a conversation, and instead can check if they "liked" or are "charmed" by you on Happn.
Also it's a French dating app so just by using it you're cultured and classy.
Anyway, to get feedback on the app, I first messaged Ghost. As one of Vindictive's resident bachelors living it up on an American college campus, I thought he would be the perfect candidate to review the app.
Unfortunately, I was wrong.
Not to be dissuaded, I thought about who the hippest member of Vindictive is. Ivy immediately popped to mind, which is pretty fucking sad and says a lot about this guild, all of it bad.
I reached out to her about the app.
Still not dissuaded, I reached out to one more person to review the app. Zephy. Since she's dating me, she's obviously into dating and was a perfect candidate.
She has not replied to me for the whole day and I'm guessing she blocked me.
Overall, I give Happn a 4/5
"OMG I KNOW THAT GUY KILL ME NOW," one of the interns exclaimed, as she checked her phone. "I CANT EVEN."
Realizing I was in the twilight years of my life and quickly heading into the oblivion of my 30's, I clutched my chest and raced back to my desk as crippling FOMO overcame me.
"SIRI DOWNLOAD HAPPN NOW," I gasped as I felt pangs of angina coming on.
But then I realized I was dating Zephy. I couldn't download and review dating apps anymore. So I had to reach out to others to do it for me.
First, let's talk about how Happn works. If you cross paths with someone, Happn will check if they have the app too. Let's say a hottie is checking you out and you're not sure if they're looking at you or the double-glazed danish in your mouth (lol you fattie). Now you don't have to embarrass yourself by trying to strike up a conversation, and instead can check if they "liked" or are "charmed" by you on Happn.
Also it's a French dating app so just by using it you're cultured and classy.
Anyway, to get feedback on the app, I first messaged Ghost. As one of Vindictive's resident bachelors living it up on an American college campus, I thought he would be the perfect candidate to review the app.
Unfortunately, I was wrong.
Not to be dissuaded, I thought about who the hippest member of Vindictive is. Ivy immediately popped to mind, which is pretty fucking sad and says a lot about this guild, all of it bad.
I reached out to her about the app.
Still not dissuaded, I reached out to one more person to review the app. Zephy. Since she's dating me, she's obviously into dating and was a perfect candidate.
She has not replied to me for the whole day and I'm guessing she blocked me.
Overall, I give Happn a 4/5
